If Only: Only In My Dreams
by justifiedlover
Summary: Jennifer Dreams of Ronon Complete
1. Chapter 1

I would have recognized him anywhere.

His body was forever etched in my mind; there was no need to ask myself 'is it him?' It was him…facing me yet…I could not see his face. Shadows always kept him hidden behind their dark and mysterious walls; a visage of pure beautiful masculinity that I was sure was there if only I could see him.

He raises his hand, he crooks a long lean finger at me…telling me to come to him, and I cannot refuse.

There is no resistance in my body to his sensual bidding. My feet start moving, the prospect of what is about to happen - pure erotic enticement. My mind attempts to halt my fall from grace - _danger, heart breaker_ – but I do not listen. The pleasure that awaits me in those sure and all consuming hands drive me forward.

I am but a slave to his passion, to his every desire and want. My submission is the spark that ignites my cravings to a fevered pitch.

I can feel the beginnings of desire moisten my panties with each step I take. It's exceedingly pleasurable yet uncomfortable at the same time as the satin material clings to my engorged lips, but I remain steady on my path to destruction, to despair.

I sense the intensity of his eyes as he stares intimately into mine. I want to see the color of those orbs. I want to bask in the depth of emotion that I know is there. But I can't and it frightens me but I do not stop…I keep walking.

My hands are getting sweaty and I frantically rub them down the sides of my thighs. I can feel his eyes follow my hands path, caressing me so sensually, yet not touching. It's just one more stimulant to my overheated body. Coaxing me to walk faster. To claim my pleasure prize.

_I stop._

I'm right where I need to be…in front of him.

He doesn't speak. He doesn't need to I know what he wants, what he demands of me, and once more I submit to his unspoken command.

I feel his eyes follow my lips as my mouth moves closer to his. My hands lay flat against his against the stubble of his hair, and the instant my skin touches his, my breath hitches and my pulse races faster as I feel the electric current soaring through my body.

He stands still letting me explore him, giving me control.

At first my exploration is slow and steady. My lips lightly graze his top lip and I feel the light yet seductively heavy touch of his hand on my bare back. I groan softly as I pull his bottom lip gently in between my own, sucking lightly then laving it with my wet tongue.

He is pure masculinity.

One hundred percent alpha male.

His primordial essence has me dripping wet and ripe for his taking, yet…he doesn't move.

My lips casually slide across his, I can feel the tension in his body and my preconceptions about his alpha male persona are confirmed. My slow pace is killing him. It feels like he's straining to control his own desire, to change the tempo and take control. And the fact that he doesn't, that he's willing to just stand there and let me lead the kiss tossed another log onto the already flaming fire of lust that was ablaze inside of me.

I continue to probe that luscious mouth, kissing him slow and unhurried…playfully seducing him with my mouth when I feel his able hand pushing against my back and his fingers flexing greedily into my skin. His other hand is suddenly on my cheek, grasping my chin and forcing my mouth to open wider. He's had enough of my slow sexual pursuit.

I moan as my foot steps forward and my heaving breasts painfully press up against his hard chest. My mouth opens wider and my tongue pushes forward into his warm mouth just as his lips completely close over mine. His tongue reaches out and meets mine in the middle. They slide over each other, tasting, and exploring.

The kiss turns deeper, ravaging…hungrier. Moans of unsurpassed pleasure and need become ever louder, deafening me. His hands are holding on to me so tightly so…possessively, that I shiver with intemperate lust.

I never want it to stop. I want to stand there all night and love him with my mouth, but he doesn't allow that.

He yanks me against him. His hand slides down my back then rests on my waist. He's all business now. He's decided that he's taking over this conversation of unspoken words and lustful advances.

I can feel his eyes lingering on my face with the most intent sexual predatory gaze that I ever felt. Then he moves in, determined now to finish what I started. His lips hover above mine, my tongue sensually slides over my lips, wetting them, making them ripe for his plundering.

He takes another step closer, my breath hitches, my body blazes as I feel his tumid desire nudge my belly. I can't help but push against him and I'm rewarded by the playful yet urgent twitch of his arousal against my silk covered skin.

He turns us around and throws me up against the abrasive wall, completely manhandling me. But he goes no further then that. He's completely still and I can't stand it. He's so intense, so obscenely male and determined that my clit throbs uncontrollably. Yet he just continues to stand there, his brawny appendage impatiently lurching against me, just as angry with him as I am with his lack of momentum.

My eyes smolder showing the raging emotions that are coursing through me and though I can't see his, I know that his are volatile. Stormy and unsettled, expressing to me what his lips did not.

It was a test, this unbearable motionless route that he initiated, on our way to the perfect peak that we would discover with one another. It was madness, of the most brutal kind, sadistic in its silence, and it was driving me crazy. I didn't know what this assessment was about nor did I know if it was for me or him, I only knew that I could not take much more of it.

I can sense the struggle in his shadowy gaze, the confusion, the deep soul-binding passion that was consuming him the more he just stood there, the more he fought it. I understood because it was what I felt as well but my compassion for his puzzlement was empty. He might have been unsure, testing the waters of his own powerful attraction to me, but I wasn't. I knew what I wanted and I knew that he was the only one to give it to me. My heart tugged at my callousness but I ignored it, feeling no sympathy for his puzzled state. Instead, I decided that I would give him just one more minute to act and if he didn't then I would take that choice away from him.

Thank God I didn't have too.

His fingers slowly move against the thin barrier of my silk dress, burning my skin, heating it to an explosive degree.

His mouth decisively covers mine on the husky note of a breathless word that I can't make out. I am his for the taking and God help me but I want nothing else.

He grabs my arms, lifting them over my head and against the wall, as he fully leans against me, pressing me back against the cold brick of the building.

His mouth continues to ravage mine, and the small whining noises that left my mouth as he slides his lips over my cheek, were mewling and so full of need that I don't recognize it as my own.

My hands flex under his relentless grip, desperately needing to touch him. And I find that I'm not above begging…not when it comes to him.

"_Please…"_

He complies with my plea, his hands release mine then quickly grab the sides of my face and tilts it up to the sky, as his mouth moves down my throat, sucking my skin, licking the flames of desire to an unfathomable height.

My hands are free now and they move…quickly…down to his strong shoulders, my fingers flex hungrily, my nails dig into his flesh as his mouth latches on to a sensitive spot on my shoulder blade.

My whole body tingles in a mix of fear and insatiable hunger. I want so much from him, everything that he has, everything that he still had yet to give me. My mind imagines what it would feel like if that hot mouth was settled over my heated core, tasting the very essence of my desire. It's so detailed, so graphic, that as his mouth latches on to a protruding nipple I shiver as my body responds to the visual tapestry of the fantasy playing out in my head. I come, brilliantly so, my breath expels in shallow pants as my lower body rocks against his hard member. It was the most divine orgasm I ever had, given to me by the simplest of touches. It was sweet and unhurried, yet exceedingly potent in its response, but it was a tease, because I instinctively knew that what would come next would be a hundred times more explosive.

He moans as my body shutters against him. I can feel his hands as they palm their way down the sides of my body, pressing into my skin, shaking with need. It feels so good, so unlike anything I ever felt that my own desire is rejuvenated quickly.

I grab his head and take his mouth into mine, plundering him endlessly as he plundered mine.

His hands leave my body, and I whimper with the lost. I hear the sounds of a zipper being undone, the swoosh of clothing moving against hard muscles, and then before I have time to catch my breath, to even wonder how he would flawlessly fit inside of me, he was there.

His turgid flesh slides effortlessly inside my wet heat. I release his mouth, my eyes close as I lean my head against the wall. We moan in unison at the joining that felt like it was always meant to be. Behind my eyes I can see him, his strong body moving inside and then out, muscles flexing as he strains against the need to go faster, to plunder my body with strong sure strokes.

He stops moving. I feel his intense gaze on my face and I open my eyes just as I hear his hoarse yet muffled demand.

"_Look at me."_

I do. Quickly. Needing him to move, needing him to fulfill this desire that's been brimming inside of me.

He nods his head, pleased that I obeyed him, and with his hands gripping my waist, I raise my leg wrapping it around his hip and then…he slowly pulls out.

I know my eyes were once more stormy with my disgruntlement over his measured entry and the lack of the roaring fire that I so desperately needed to feel. His shadowed face keeps looking at me, I sense a spark of something in his dark gaze, but I can't decipher what it is. And frankly, in that moment, of his slow unhurried strokes of my wet and welcoming flesh, I don't care. I want only one thing and I'm not afraid to demand it.

"_Faster."_

His facade is that of control but the twitch of his cock inside of my sheath, his fingers that dig into my waist evermore are clear signs that he liked my throaty command.

I stare back into his indistinct face, waiting for him to once more comply with my wishes, but he continues to just watch me, as he once more pulls all the way out and then inch by godly inch gradually sinks back in, hitting my womb.

My head falls back again, unable to look into the hidden passion that is so strong yet so controlled. The depth of his self control puts my own lack of to shame. But with my next husky plea I knew that the control he had was tenuous at best, only requiring one small sensuous and full of need push to send him over the edge.

"_Please…I want more…"_

I can feel his full smile touching my skin, as he grunts his approval then pulls out and slams back inside of me.

His thrusts are forceful now, hurried, moving fast and hard. My naked back is scraping against the rough brick but I don't care, the screams that are coming out of my mouth are not of pain but pleasure.

Once more he grabs my chin, bringing my mouth to his as he thrusts his tongue inside, fucking my mouth as fast as his cock fucked my body.

Just as I knew it would be…it was perfect. And although we made love in a darkened alley behind a noisy club, though the sounds that echoed off those barren walls were pure animalistic cries of heady lust and need and not devote cries of love and affection, it did not matter…it did not lessen the rightness of our joining.

And in that moment, when a billion lights exploded behind my closed lids and my body shook uncontrollably with the most exemplary and commanding explosion it had ever been gifted with, I knew…

…that this had happened before…

…I knew it would happen again…

**Authors Note: I know it the story seems OOC but I had little time to edit and re-write and I was satisfied with this outcome.. Hope, you enjoy it!**


	2. In My Dreams

_Hot_

_So…hot_.

Guttural moans and grunts rasp inside my ear. Each low note emphasized with a sharp deep thrust of his hips against mine. Every sound and each stroke turns me hotter, burning my body with a tempestuous excitement that was spiraling out of control. I couldn't wait for it. I wanted to lose control. I wanted so bad to spin out of my body with numb racking pleasure that I become impatient.

I bite his shoulder, my teeth sink into his flesh with no thought as to what I'm doing or how animalistic my actions are. I draw blood; the cooper tangy taste ignites my taste buds with a deep primal need that has never stroked my senses before. They're powerful and controlling, dominating my every thought and action. I can think of nothing else but this frenzied thirst that is in every pore of me, every inch of my soul…driving me to do the unthinkable. It's a feeling as old as time, a feeling that I've never known before except here – in my dreams…in the arms of a man who I do not know.

He gyrates against me, protesting my demanding actions by banging me harder. His grunts are louder, harsher, unhindered roars of an excitement that has matured with blinding strength, becoming dangerously alive. It's raw…sizzling with as much need as I feel in every tingle of my skin.

He slaps my thigh with no mercy. I jump, my pulse quickens and my blood turns to molten fire as it pumps through my veins. His heavy smack ignites my arousal to a fevered pitch and I growl at him. But my teeth do not relent and my mouth still sucks on his flesh as I continue to feast on his essence.

His shoulders become tenser and though I cannot see his face, I sense its cruel beauty staring at me with a profound passion that has him questioning everything that he's feeling. Those questions alter his mood. His smooth fluid strokes suddenly change to powerful impacts of a pissed off male. His palm lands a heavy blow on my thigh once more. Its stinging slap is sharp…painful and angry…punishing me.

But I don't care.

On a scream of luscious agony my mouth releases his flesh. He grunts again, this time in approval, but his thrusts do not change. They are vigorous, demanding, taking…branding me.

_And I love it._

I don't want it to stop. I want this and I want it from him.

God, he feels so good, his body moving so thoroughly, so resplendently inside of mine. It's perfect. He roughly talks to me, telling me how he's going to take me until I scream his name, how he won't stop until my body comes for him so hard that there's nothing left to give him.

Hearing those impassioned words strikes a chord in me and for the first time in all of my time spent with my dream lover I finally see, I finally feel the truth of my need. It had remained hidden until now, silently lurking beneath my lustful desires and needs, but it grows stronger with every velvet stroke of his hard shaft. And I know right then as he once more pivots against me, striking my womb, that it's heavy fervent has been building since the first night he came to me in a haze of fog.

Accepting it seems easy now…inescapable, and without fear or anxiety it becomes truth to me. It becomes the air that I need to breath, the steady ground my feet need to walk on. It becomes my sole purpose for everything.

Balance.

I want him to feel every thing that I am feeling. I want him to experience the same pain and joy that I feel when he touches me. I want him to suffer the same breathlessness that I endure when his eyes touch me, or to feel the uncontrollable beating of his heart in his chest just from hearing his name off my lips. I need to know that when he takes my body that he's taking more then just flesh and muscle. That he's taking my heart and my soul, treasuring it and honoring all that I'm giving him. To truly know that what we share is not just a frolicsome act of lust, but a powerful expression of deeper feelings and emotions.

_I need him…to love me._

I see that now, as his hands cradle my hips and he drives forward once again. It's a binding affection that burns so deep and bright that it makes me feel and think of nothing but him, of giving myself to him wholeheartedly. And I need all of that in return.

I need…balance.

I want him to love me. I want him to need me as much as I need him.

I want it all.

That ravenous wanting erupts something dark and hungry inside of me, a tenacity to not stand idly by and watch him take everything away from me…to deny what's in his soul, in his blood…me.

Not anymore.

Expertly he continues to drive himself deeper inside of me and still giving me the most intense sexual pleasure. He's so meticulous, so focused and lost in his rapid movements of blinding thrusts and perfectly measured glides that he doesn't know what's coming. He does not know the full power of a woman that knows what she wants. A woman that is not afraid to take it. But I'm going to show him.

On a cry of resolution, strength enters my deadening body and I flip our positions shocking him. His back slams against the cold stone; a cry of pain escapes his mouth as I quickly take him back inside of me. As my mouth greedily mauls his, my lips and tongue tell him everything I want.

I ride him hard and fast…branding him as he branded me. Soaking him for everything he has. Taking him deep inside of me…giving him everything I feel for him and never letting go. Mercilessly I squeeze the width of him and I'm rewarded with another scream of hot angry rumbles and another hard smack to my ass. That strong big hand print embeds itself in my skin, I can feel my flesh turning red, and I laugh with pure contentment and brutal honesty of just how much I like it.

But my twisted humor only seems to enrage him again and he quickly turns the tables on me, throwing me around and on to the floor. He grabs my hips, pulls all the way out and then viciously slams back inside. In a voice hidden in shadows though still comprehensible, he rasps into my ear, fierce and coarse…savagely.

"You want to play rough? I'll give you rough. I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week!"

My smile fades, tears come to my eyes, and the only sound that is now coming out of my mouth are shouts of blissful distress as I feel him spreading my insides, going deeper than he's ever gone before.

With his fist in my hair he yanks my head up as his lips slam against my own, taking...plundering…with no remorse, without even conscious thought. He's simply acting on the raging emotions that I brought out in him.

I smile once again because I know that he is feeling the same thing I'm feeling. He just doesn't know it yet and even if he did he can't accept it for what it is. That is what creates the anger. That's what drives his brutal taking of my body.

I don't care though, I love this.

_I love him._

Suddenly the fog lifts, what once was cloudy is now as clear as day. I look up and into a wild sea of dark chocolate eyes that stare back with unrelenting ownership. They're on a face that is at last visible, and the name that spills from his lips is a name that I've known, a name that has never been veiled…

"_Love_."

The haunting voice and the beautiful possessing mouth it rolled out of snapped her awake.

She sat up in bed gripping the sheets, her heart racing a mile a minute, she felt like her eyes were going to pop right out of her head. She stared at the wall, the dream now as vibrant as the beautiful painting that hung on the wall before her.

"Oh – my – God!"

Her mouth dropped open, her gaze swung to the window and to the house across the street. As if in slow motion her hand rose and covered her mouth in dawning unwanted surprise.

_It's Ronon! My mystery dream lover is Ronon!_

She took a deep breath, her body still tight with lust and yearning but this time it was her mind that demanded her attention, not her unsated body.

_How could I have been so stupid? _

Unconsciously or rather deliberately, she slapped herself in the head. It was all there for her to see and it always had been she just never really looked.

She did now and without any effort at all. The truth cold-cocked her right in the head and couldn't be ignored anymore. All those similarities that she had felt before made perfect sense now. Every kiss, touch and sparring lesson that she received from him, hell every time he sheathed himself inside of her, had felt like she had known that intense pleasure before and from him. Her body knew him but she hadn't wanted to see it. She didn't want to admit that she had fallen in love with him already.

_Damn it!_

She thought she had to fight it but it was too late for her. She had already fallen.

_Shit! When exactly did that happen?_

Her face crinkled as she thought back over the years, searching for a sign of when that love had blossomed from friend to something more, but she couldn't pin point it. It wasn't like they met and BANG she fell in love. It had grown – fiercely yet slowly at the same time, like…

_Drowning_

Love had been a sneaky adversary, cunningly sucking her into its world of ecstasy and fulfillment and inevitably…pain and loss. She had unwittingly stepped right into it with both feet only to be drawn deeper into its gritty grip of blackness and now she was stuck. Heart, body and soul.

A part of her must have known though; you know that part deep inside of you that defends your heart from getting hurt even when you don't realize it. It makes you do things to protect yourself that you don't even know you're doing or why you're even doing it. For her, it made her blind to what was in her very heart. All this time, she had been blissfully living in denial and she hadn't even known it.

The ironic thing was that her love would not let her deny it. It needed to be expressed and it found a way around her natural defenses by coming to her in the form of the dreams. Tormenting her for months at a time, little by little forcing her to see what she felt. She suspected that their night together was the catalyst. Finally having what her heart and body always wanted catapulted her true feelings into explicit clarity.

A short burst of laughter let loose from her lips, she couldn't help it. How disgustingly Freudian was that?

_I could be in a psychology book for God's sake! I'm the standard example of a woman in denial._

Well she couldn't deny it any longer the only question was what she was going to do about it. Did she continue to fight what she felt? Or did she suck up her pride and take a chance on him.

Well that made up her mind. Her body rose from the bed easier then she thought it would. But she guessed it was because learning all of this changed nothing and in fact only strengthened her resolve. She was better off keeping him at a distance.

_Yeah right, girl you can't even keep him out of your pants!_

It was true; she had no self control when it came to him. Last night proved that. One touch from him had completely erased any thoughts of saying no.

Disheartened and sighing deeply she dressed for work. Maybe knowing the truth was the stronghold she needed. Maybe, just maybe, she could stand her ground and stay away from the man with whom she was in love.

**Author's Note: I usually don't do this or rather stay away from writing SG fic's but after Friday's episode I just couldn't it was a blasphemy what they did to Jen/Ronon ! So. I hope you enjoy and yes it's tis complete..**


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